Laurel Counter-Attack

I came back to the UK on 22 August to be confronted by the resurgence of every single laurel stump in Indonesia ! I was expecting it but they reminded me of one of the monsters in the Percy Jackson movie/book - the hydra. Every time you cut off a head of this beast 3 more will grow back. Every stump has 3 or 4 bright green shoots - almost like an invasive piece of coppicing. I make more work for myself in the short term.

I do like to plan my counter-attacks and throw a little bit of cash and thought at the problem - so so more kit was obviously need. It was clear to me that when I cut off the deadly new shoots they needed to be transported in a high security vehicle so I purchased Terence (named after my soon-to-be Octogenerian father) the garden Trolley. Terence can trundle around with me and act as a safe receptical for the new shoots which can then be burnt on a suitable pyre in due course. Leaving them on the floor is not an option as they can take - a bit like deadly vegetarian stem cells each can sprout to be a new tree. This is what we are up against.

The new protocol for holding the Laurel at bay (there is a pun there for any horticulturalists) is to snip off all the shoots (an easy task). The next bit is a pain as my chainsaw is in for a service at the moment - I have to saw a fresh cut into every stump by taking the top off each pole. Each stump can have several trunks so that takes some time and patience and a bit of effort. Finally the bad chemicals are deployed in the form of Round Up's tree stump killer - unfortunately its Glysophayte based and mixed at about a 10 % concentration. I feel quite evil painting on the deadly stuff which foams to let you know it is a chemical. It seems odorless which actually worries me more as I might not be able to tell if I spill any on me or into the environment. So I am painting Glysophayte on a cyanide impregnated tree stump (the Laurel itself is poisonous).

Every so often as I am at work I see a little bird or a butterfly out of the corner of my add and feel bad for resorting to a chemical. Monsanto the maker of "Round-Up" was bought by Bayer last year. They now find themselves locked in litigation on a number of fronts in respect of the chemical. It is accused of being a carcinogen. I listened to a BBC Radio 4 piece recently that suggested that the EU will ban Glysophayte by 2021/2 giving Bayer a couple of years grace to come up with an alternative. Glysophayte is Monsanto's big money spinner so the theory is they are being given time to for the research. Perhaps the clever people at Bayer could come up with something which leaves the bees alone. The thought is that they have a hand to play in the Bee collapse.

Glysophate has a terrible impact when sprayed indiscriminately on insect populations more generally. My alternative to its very strict use might be to keep hacking away at 1000 + stumps for years and to try and cut of the light to them by using the brash itself or some other method. Over time the stump is supposed to weaken and die. Burning the stump like my internet hero "Swamp Rat" (google him - if you can understand him he seems to be the font of US Deep South country hacks) doesn't seem to be an option for fear off burning down the whole wood. Swamp Rat suggests drilling large bore holes and feeding the stump cooking oil every day for a week before setting light to it. The stump will smoulder for days and finally disappear. I cannot see our near neighbors being happy with that as an approach.

So for now and for a "test period" I am going to use a very direct and disciplined application of Glysophayte. It is not a quick option. Spraying using a pump would be quicker. I am loathe to poison more woodlice and beetles than I have to though. This is the first time I have ever used a weed killer or pesticide in my life. I will try not to make a habit of it but in the run I do want to get a first area cleared to try and encourage back in the bluebells.

It is probably a bit early - November is the beginning of the stump poisoning season as the sap will go back into reverse sucking the poison down into the roots. I am sure an application now should have some effect and hopefully will curtail some of the re-growth.

We didn't think this wood restoration by business would be easy did we !